On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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