I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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