we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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