you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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