Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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