i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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