Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.