I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."