You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
