Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

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  (405): If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over. http://tfl.nu/i8gt
  Replies (10) Good night (789) Bad night (3768)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

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  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1978) Bad night (10063)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule

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  (916): I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule http://tfl.nu/z9ak
  Replies (8) Good night (4067) Bad night (662)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

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  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (9170) Bad night (1201)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.

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  (508): the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell. http://tfl.nu/o2wo
  Replies (12) Good night (891) Bad night (6093)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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  (406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3
  Replies (8) Good night (3827) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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  (206): Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional. http://tfl.nu/t1vf
  Replies (10) Good night (2760) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..

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  (646): I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me.. http://tfl.nu/zo74
  Replies (9) Good night (859) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.

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  (505): I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover. http://tfl.nu/48qz
  Replies (3) Good night (1731) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic

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  (601): Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic http://tfl.nu/3mbn
  Replies (4) Good night (1214) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.

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  (337): Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm. http://tfl.nu/b44z
  Replies (7) Good night (559) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed

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  (402): If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed http://tfl.nu/sm0v
  Replies (2) Good night (852) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?

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  (315): My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero? http://tfl.nu/se5g
  Replies (5) Good night (1622) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.

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  (828): Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/pw43
  Replies (4) Good night (990) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have fence marks all over my body

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  (412): I have fence marks all over my body http://tfl.nu/stjz
  Replies (1) Good night (234) Bad night (152)

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