Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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