So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
