He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
