Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
