cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize