i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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