I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
