I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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