she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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