Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
