if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.