we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?