And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like