Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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(970): I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now http://tfl.nu/72p0

Replies (7) Good night (994) Bad night (1992)
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(417): View more from Missouri

You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"

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(417): You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!" http://tfl.nu/8q6j

Replies (6) Good night (2803) Bad night (946)
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(720): View more from Colorado

its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it

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(720): its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it http://tfl.nu/rdim

Replies (15) Good night (1290) Bad night (4879)
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(804): View more from Virginia

so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford

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(804): so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford http://tfl.nu/pdng

Replies (108) Good night (4309) Bad night (1049)
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(509): View more from Washington

Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

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(509): Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though http://tfl.nu/7ly3

Replies (19) Good night (6160) Bad night (1209)
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(801): View more from Utah

He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

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(801): He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face. http://tfl.nu/vz1o

Replies (79) Good night (9097) Bad night (3309)
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(517): View more from Michigan

someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.

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(517): someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover. http://tfl.nu/zuyo

Replies (5) Good night (3256) Bad night (1189)
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(727): View more from Florida

well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.

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(727): well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up. http://tfl.nu/6z0c

Replies (6) Good night (1739) Bad night (1113)
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(360): View more from Washington

Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.

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(360): Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof. http://tfl.nu/kt4t

Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (1946)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.

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(907): Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid. http://tfl.nu/45so

Replies (11) Good night (2655) Bad night (608)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it

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(573): Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it http://tfl.nu/6pfl

Replies (4) Good night (1003) Bad night (397)
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(416): View more from Toronto

cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.

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(416): cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/bx4b

Replies (3) Good night (1238) Bad night (453)
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(954): View more from Florida

Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.

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(954): Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat. http://tfl.nu/msv0

Replies (10) Good night (1336) Bad night (411)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever

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(416): Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever http://tfl.nu/xryc

Replies (4) Good night (759) Bad night (363)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick

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(+44): Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick http://tfl.nu/8ik3

Replies (6) Good night (869) Bad night (482)

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