I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.