By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
