I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO