I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
