Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
