there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
