do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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