Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
