I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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