youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Michael Bay diarrhea
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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