i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
