Where is the hickey?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
