I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
