Someone shit on the floor
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
