Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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