i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My balls are so social today.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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