it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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