you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
