I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
