so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
