That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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