Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
