She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
