I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
