Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
