Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
