It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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