He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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