I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm having to shit out rocks
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
