My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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