well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
