i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
