Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
