Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
