Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
