some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
