Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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