You can't special order awesome
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
