I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
