The maid of honor just puked.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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