i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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