Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
