we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
