Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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